


lonely sailors pass the time away and talk about their homes

by ashintuku



Series: fox on the run [18]
Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies)
Genre: Gen, Mild Language, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-12
Updated: 2017-07-12
Packaged: 2018-12-01 08:16:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11482335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashintuku/pseuds/ashintuku
Summary: “I don’t got theright.”“Kraglin, you’re first mate, why wouldn’t you have the right—”“It’s ‘cause’a me there was a mutiny!”





	lonely sailors pass the time away and talk about their homes

“Pete?” 

Peter sat up, looking over at the door to see Kraglin standing there, looking uncomfortable and shifty. He noticed that he held a fin implant and the arrow in his hands, and he slowly raised a brow; tugging an earbud out of his ear and standing up slowly. 

“What’s up, Kraglin?” 

“I need t’tell ya somethin’, Pete.” Kraglin paused, frowning and shaking his head; fingers tightening on the fin and arrow. “No, I need t’tell ya somethin’, _Cap’n_. It’s important.” 

“Whoa,” Peter tugged out the other earbud, pausing his music and tossing the Zune onto his bed. He glanced back to make sure it didn’t bounce off the bed. That was something he learned it could do the hard way, and he did not want to remember the way Drax had patted his shoulder and told him that he was overreacting when he’d flipped out. He then walked over to Kraglin “You have called me that a total of _once_ , and the last time felt more symbolic than actual promotion.” 

“He would’a wanted ya t’be cap’n,” Kraglin said firmly. He breathed in shakily, closing his eyes, before looking at Peter and holding out the fin and arrow. “I don’ think I should have these.” 

Peter stared at the arrow and fin, then looked up and stared at Kraglin. 

“I gave them to you, dude. I’m not going to do anything with them – I have my pistols, I don’t need to whistle while I work.” 

“I don’t got the _right_.” 

“Kraglin, you’re first mate, why wouldn’t you have the right—”

“It’s ‘cause’a me there was a mutiny!” 

Peter blinked, swallowed, and sat hard on the ground. After a moment, he reached up and pulled on Kraglin’s jacket, making him drop down, too. 

“Explain.” 

“Didn’t that weasel tell ya wha’ happened?” 

“Rocket told me that the third Quadrant was all that was left of the _Eclector_ and that if I wanted to know any more about it, I’d need to ask you, because it was none of his business.” He blinked, rubbing the heel of his hand against his eye, and breathed in sharply. “I think that’s his way of respecting the fact that whatever happened was Ravager business and he’s not a Ravager.” 

“Right,” Kraglin’s voice cracked. He set the fin and arrow on his lap, staring down at them to avoid Peter’s eyes. Not that Peter was looking at him; he was too busy staring at the wall, trying to scrabble with the fact that apparently there’d been a goddamn _mutiny_. “We was sent out ta find ya fer that Ayesha lady, gonna be paid ‘bout a million or so units.” 

“Holy _shit_.” 

“ _Yep_ ,” Kraglin nodded. He scratched at the back of his head, and Peter waited him out. “We found yer ship, with the weasel and the twig and that Nebula chick—”

“Why does Nebula get her name, but not Groot and Rocket?” 

“She’s _scary_ ,” Kraglin said emphatically, turning wide eyes to Peter. Peter blinked, nodded, and waved at him to continue. “We found ya’s and it seemed like we was gon’ take you in. Fer once, we all thought, the Cap’n wasn’t gonna let his softness fer ya affect how he treated ya. But then he did.” Kraglin swallowed, rubbing at his head again; a rough, scratching movement that left red lines along his neck, and Peter narrowed his eyes. “He was gon’ make a deal with Rocket – the batteries instead of you. Quarter mil on the market, still a good catch, right?” 

“ _Jeez_ , why didn’t you guys take that?” 

“Well, first, ‘cause the others are a bunch of dumbasses and don’t know their numbers none.” 

“...Actually I’m a little surprised.” 

“But mostly ‘cause we was all sick of Cap’n’s favourin’ ya above the rest of us and our paydays. He just. He’s been doin’ this fer _ages_ – lettin’ ya get away with so much shit, not doin’ more’n givin’ ya a smack on the head fer yer troubles. It was startin’ to get t’us. ...Startin’ to get t’ _me_. It was one thing not t’hand ya over to yer daddy – guy was a total jackass—”

“Understatement, but go on.” 

“But it was another thing t’just. Turn his back on jobs ‘cause they dealt with _you_. I said things. I said things I shouldn’a said, not in that moment. Should’a waited until we was somewhere private, where I could’a taken my complaints and he could’a yelled at me an’ called me idiot. But instead I let my emotions get the best o’me, and it. It started a mutiny. Taserface took over but _I_ started the mutiny.” 

Silence fell over them for a moment, Peter letting Kraglin’s words really sink into his head. He glanced at the arrow and the fin, then, frowning and curling his fingers into fists. 

“So when you say you don’t deserve those...” 

“...it’s ‘cause’a me tha’ we lost the crew. We lost the ship. We lost _everythin’_ , ‘cause I couldn’t keep my fuckin’ mouth shut.” 

Peter nodded, bringing his hands up to his head and dragging his fingers through his hair. He knew his hair was sticking up at odd angles, now, but he really couldn’t care just then. 

“Why’re you alive, then?” 

“Wha’?” 

“You’re alive. You’re telling me this, because you’re alive. Yondu had you on the third Quadrant waiting for us, because you were alive to do that. You warned us about the Sovereign ‘cause, guess what? You were still alive to do that! So why? If you started the mutiny – if the reason you guys came to the rescue with only the three of you is _because_ of you, why the fuck are _you alive_?” 

“I don’t—”

“No, you don’t get to say you don’t know, because you _do_ know, you do! You have got to know why Yondu left you alive! He didn’t deal with betrayals, even I know that. He might’ve been soft in a lot of ways, but that old blue bastard would take down anyone who tried to stab him in the back. And you didn’t even try the back, Kraglin, you went for the goddamn front, so _why are you alive_?” 

“I got ‘im out!” Kraglin stood up, and the arrow and fin clattered to the floor, but he didn’t even twitch; not then, not when Peter had just pushed all of his buttons. “I didn’t mean t’start a mutiny, Peter! I never wanted t’start a mutiny!” 

“Maybe should’a thought about that before you opened your mouth, Kraglin!” Peter stood up, too, and he was taller than Kraglin, had been since he was seventeen years old and awkward limbs. But even then, Kraglin had seemed bigger than that; carried himself with a confidence and ease that Peter had always admired. 

Now he didn’t. Now he was just _small_. 

“I weren’t _thinkin’_ , I told you that! I got Cap’n outta the cell, I gave him the goddamn fin, an’ I did wha’ I was _told_. I don’t know why he kept me alive after that. Probably needed someone to fly the ship, maybe he had plans. We’ll never know, though, ‘cause he’s _dead_.” 

The statement slammed into the both of them at the exact moment. Kraglin froze, eyes widening as he realized what he’d said, and Peter clenched his teeth to stop himself from saying anything he’d really regret. They both slowly sat back down, Kraglin moving the fin and arrow between them like a reminder or a barrier. Peter wasn’t sure; he just reached out and curled his fingers around the arrow, feeling the slight bump from the welding Rocket gave it only hours after they’d grabbed Peter and Yondu’s body, Peter sobbing over his corpse. 

“They’s all _dead_ an’ I’m not – I’m _not_ , but I should be, shoudn’t I?” 

“What? Kraglin, no—”

“But I should be,” Kraglin nodded, breathing in quick and unsteady. “I should be, I deserve it. Cap’n, he didn’t – he didn’t deserve it—”

“Yondu Udonta trafficked children to a man who killed them because they didn’t meet his expectations,” Peter said flatly, looking at Kraglin. “Look, I miss the bastard, too, colour me surprised, but Yondu was not perfect. Was less than perfect. If he had lived, we would have to deal with the consequences of his actions. We’d have to deal with the fact that he had _trafficked children to die_.” He shook his head, fingers tightening over the arrow. “You both fucked up in spectacular ways, but you don’t deserve to die, Kraglin. You’re alive, for whatever reason. Maybe to make up for it. I don’t know, I don’t really buy into fate or purpose or whatever.” 

He then picked up the arrow, holding it out to Kraglin, and the first mate stared at it uncertainly. 

“But Yondu didn’t kill you, when he could’ve. When history states he would’ve. So y’know what? I’m gonna stand by my decision. He would _want_ you to have this, Kraglin. You're the last person I have left from my childhood, the last of my family, and he would _want_ you to have it. Now take the goddamn arrow, already, I’m the shittiest person to try and reason survivor’s guilt with.” 

Kraglin bit his lip, sucked in a breath, and carefully took the arrow again, inspecting it as if to see if anything was different about it now that all the secrets seemed to be out. He breathed out slowly, nodding once, and set the arrow on his lap. 

Peter nudged the fin at him, too, giving a weak smile before looking away from the Xandarian. 

“...they’re all dead?” 

Kraglin shifted, closing his eyes and whistling out a sigh. 

“Yep.”

**Author's Note:**

> A direct prequel to _never mind I'll remember you this, I'll remember you this way_!


End file.
